You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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