Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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