My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
