I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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