If i come over, it means nothing
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
