In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
