i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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