Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
