she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
