remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Randomize
