I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
