Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
