Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
