Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
