im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
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Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I wear drunk well.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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