I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
