someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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