maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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