Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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