Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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