Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
