that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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