is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
