Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
