escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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