Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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