K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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