I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
