goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
