Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
