Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
