All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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