is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize