My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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