your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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