Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
