you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
