Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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