I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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