i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
