The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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