There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
