about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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