my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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