girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
