it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
