there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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