I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
