Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
