My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I touched a dick in church today
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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