there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
