Need sex. Gaining weight.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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