...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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