meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
