Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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