Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
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Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
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Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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