C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
