Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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