1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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