Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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