party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
