You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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