I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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