Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
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the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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