it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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