This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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