Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
