ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Operation Purity has been aborted
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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