We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
