My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
