she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
