Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I could make wine with my vomit
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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