you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
