Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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