My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
